One-Year Heart Anniversary

April 11, 2024—One-Year Heart Anniversary! I made it! And I felt like a fuckin’ champ! I had been working with the healer and a traditional counselor for three months, and a lot of things were coming together for me. After being somewhat quiet and reserved that whole year—I posted exactly how I felt that day on Instagram…

One year ago today, a major event had taken place in my life—I had open-heart surgery. I was born with a rare heart condition, Quadricuspid Aortic Valve, that finally needed tending to, and let me tell you, it was by far the scariest shit I have ever been through in my life—and I have been through some shit!

Most people think I handled it like a champ. Meanwhile, looking back now, I spent the first six months in what I would call a dazed fog. I was out and about, up and down like nothing happened—a madwoman, actually—doing all sorts of shit I had no business doing. I couldn’t sit still.

Something very traumatic had happened to me—my body, my soul—and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was in complete and utter denial of what had transpired that day, April 11, 2023—that my life, my identity, had completely changed forever.

The past six months, while still in recovery/cardiac rehab, I spent mostly trying to figure out who I was now and where I belong in this world with my newly forced lifestyle. And then, finally, I acknowledged it—owned it—the fact that my life would never be the same as it was, and that was OK.

For the longest time, I felt my wings had been clipped—unbeknownst to me, this major event wasn’t that at all. It was more of a realignment, an awakening. A transformation was taking place. I was put on a path—a healing journey had begun—and it wasn’t just physical. My mind, body, and soul were healing—a process for me, long overdue.

I can honestly say that I have never felt as I do these days—I finally have peace. It’s new to me, and it’s a feeling like no other. So today, I celebrate myself, my well-being, and my newfound peace as my healing journey continues in a new light.

Cheers,

Jaye

I had dinner plans with my sidekick, Adrianna, to celebrate. We booked a reservation for dinner at Maxime’s on Portland Street.

An unlikely friendship sparked up with a girl I had known mostly from doing her lashes, she is also the niece of a longtime friend.

Adrianna

She was only 18 when I started doing her lashes, and by the time I started working at Big Bag, she was going to Ryerson. We would often meet up at the store at the end of my shift and go for a bite or a drink somewhere downtown or just head home together, as we live around the corner from each other.

She and I got close. She was there for all my Big Bag drama. Seeing her every two weeks for lashes all those years, I watched a teenage girl turn into a university student, then into a young lady. Her innocence could not be matched.

She was there for me throughout this entire journey—more than anyone else. She watched me go through all of it—the shop, my daughter, Big Bag, the breakdown, the surgery, my recovery, and my inner healing.

Her mom, Tanya, is the cousin of my lifelong friend, I mentioned earlier—Annissa. Tanya is actually the same person who drove me to the hospital the morning of my surgery.

We all got together one Mother's Day—us three, Annissa, Tanya, and I—and our daughters—for brunch. It was shortly after that brunch that I started doing Adrianna’s lashes and seeing her regularly.

Who knew that several years later, she would play such a significant role in my life?!

Adrianna and I did a lot of things together during my recovery—walks in the park, festivals, dinners, brunches, Kensington Market, and walks downtown. If I wasn't walking the dog or going to a doctor's appointment, I was with her.

Woodbine Park

There was nobody else in my sights when we were together. I felt safe—my soul was safe and in good hands with her. Our outings were protected—not once did shit go down anywhere along our travels.

My peripheral vision was non-existent when we were together. I never noticed anyone or anything around us. It was just her and me. Peaceful. We never talked about other people or gossiped; we just talked about life in the present and laughed—we had lots of laughs! As mentioned before, I kept it light with her, kicking wisdom and advice more than sharing my trauma, respecting her innocence.

I kept her in the loop about my clarity and epiphanies. There was only one time we were out at dinner somewhere, and I spilled out a whole bunch of shit, I can’t even remember where because so much happened during that time. Shit just slipped out as soon as she sat down with such intensity, I couldn’t hold back the tears. As soon as I gushed it out, I wanted to take it back. I caught myself, calmed the fuck down, apologized, and we moved on like it didn’t even happen.

Even though I felt safe with her, I knew she was young and had no business being exposed to or taking on any of my heavy shit, so I kept most of it to myself.

It was hard sometimes those days. I went through a lot of shit inside that I couldn’t really talk to anyone about, but when I was with Adrianna, those things would leave my mind. She was always a breath of fresh air—the feeling I had being with her was the same feeling I’d get from looking at fresh flowers.

Everything we did together was outside. I honestly couldn’t wait until the next time we got together.

Little Italy

Adrianna didn’t have a man back then and only one job—life has changed for her. She grew up! I feel so blessed to have been there to watch her finish high school, go through university, and graduate. I got to be there for her first real relationship. I watched her transform into the young lady she is today.

Adrianna is 24 now, and she’s special. And when I say special, I mean special—she possesses many of the qualities the world lacks today, like loyalty, sincerity, and honesty. I honestly don’t know where I’d be today if I didn’t have her throughout all of that. She had a huge impact on my recovery and in my life. She filled a huge void, and I will forever be grateful for her. The love I have for her is eternal.

We went to Maxime’s for my One-Year Heart Anniversary. We had been drooling over this spot for a while. That’s what we would do—research, check out the reviews, find a spot, and book a reservation. Once a month or so, we tried a new spot, whether it was brunch or dinner.

I arrived before Adrianna that day, I sat down and ordered a glass of champagne. The server asked, “Are you celebrating anything tonight?” I replied, “Ahhh, well, ya, kinda. I had heart surgery one year ago today.” She took it from there and said, “Fuck ya, we’re celebrating!” Champagne was on the house.

Cheers!

Maxime’s had all the yummy stuff, and we ordered one of everything we wanted to try. It was all delicious, and expensive not to mention—not like a bill or a buck fifty, more like $250 each—but she didn’t care, and I didn’t care. We were celebrating—my life!

My stomach was still sorta fucked up. It never did go back to normal. In April, it would still sporadically act up—not as much, though, and thank God, because I didn’t want to cancel that dinner.

I had canceled more than a handful of times on Adrianna—stomach fucked up, depressed or just sick. Either I wasn’t feeling well, or I wasn’t going to be good company, so I’d cancel, and Adrianna was always cool with that. “OK, Jaye, no problem, feel better,” in her soft-spoken voice.

I said to her one day jokingly, “When I make plans with somebody, they can’t cancel on me. I can cancel on them, and they should be prepared for me to cancel just in case because of my health situation, but they can’t cancel on me.” Even though I was joking when I said that, that’s truly how I felt, because during that time, if I was feeling good and was finally able to go out, and the person canceled—it would’ve been pretty shitty. A setback for me mentally. My outings were a big deal for me; when I was good to go, I was excited as fuck!

The way I ate changed forever. As long as I took small bites and chewed each one 5–6 times more than usual, and ate something every two hours, I was fine. It’s a lot better now, but back then, I had to stay on top of it—always on point—because if I forgot to eat on time, boom! Like clockwork, my stomach would protrude, pain would set in, and I’d feel nauseous.

Overeating is no longer an option and neither is going more than two hours without eating. I always walk with food. I have a granola bar or something to munch on in my bag at all times.

Adrianna and I would usually order appetizers, or a main or two, and we’d share. Or sometimes, we just ordered one of everything we wanted to taste. We did that often.

We always had more than we could eat, but like I said, she didn’t care and I didn’t care, and it felt like there was nobody else there—just us, in a great atmosphere, having a glass of champagne, or trying out a cocktail from the drink menu that sounded delicious. It was always good conversation, with nothing else on my mind during those moments.

Yay!

We took care of the check and were putting our coats on ready to leave, when the guy in the couple right beside us—who was obviously listening to our conversation said, “I’m sorry, I overheard you, what was it you had—bypass surgery?” Adrianna piped up right away and said, “It was NOT bypass surgery! It was something else!”—rolling her eyes. She was offended for me—hahaha!

I wasn’t hyper focused on that part of my surgery—whether it was a bypass or congenital—or even aware of the stigma around it. It was heart surgery—but it was congenital. Not caused by obesity, high cholesterol, or high blood pressure—some of the most common reasons for bypass surgery.

When we got in the Uber, I said, “Look at you, getting all defensive,” and she said, “Ya, he was rude suggesting you had bypass surgery!” Adrianna had my back.

It was April, and I realized I hadn’t been drunk since Blue Mountain—the middle of January. I never set out to stop drinking. In November, when I had that wake-up call, I put the booze to the side, but there was never a time that I said, “Oh, I’m gonna stop drinking.” But there I was, three months later, and I hadn’t had a drink at all. When I thought about that, I was like, damn, look at me! I didn’t even fucking miss it!

When we were in Barbados with Sadie and Ben that night, we were all drinking, and I had taken some videos. The day my stomach was all fucked up in Barbados—I was in the room watching them, and I played one with the volume up and heard myself, and I was mortified. I said to Trent, “Oh my God—is that how I sound?” He goes, “Yup, and every time you go to the bar and you tell me you didn’t, I know you did because that’s exactly how you sound.” My heart hurt. Those two things right there hit me sideways and hard.

It was my one-year celebration that put me on a champagne kick. Whenever we would go out to dinner or brunch, I would have a glass of champagne.

Not 6-8 free-pour double vodkas in a pint glass, with ice and club soda, which was filled with mostly fucking vodka! From Captain Jack! That was my daily—at least 4-5 days a week, with shots on top! I’d have one or two maybe during the day and top it all off after work. Get up and do it again the next day. I had to have been an alcoholic—drinking approximately 40 ounces of vodka a day. Holy fuck!! Shit hits different once you do the math!

Three of my closest friends were bartenders at Captain Jack: Ness, Zoe, and Jen. Zoe and Jen don’t even drink, but they’re both one hell of a bartender though! Jacks was my second home for approximately 8 years! I had been drinking hard since I was 15, and as the years went on, the liquor just snowballed. I was a functioning alcoholic, and when I wasn’t, I was blacked out.

There was a time somebody asked me, “Always champagne, eh?!” I was like, “Yup! Why champagne? Because every time I have a glass of champagne—I’m celebrating—What am I celebrating? My life!”

© 2025 www.hearttoheartjaye.com All Rights Reserved.

The content on this blog, including text, images, and other materials, is the property of www.hearttoheartjaye.com unless otherwise stated. Unauthorized use, reproduction, or distribution of any content without written permission is prohibited. For inquiries about sharing or republishing content, please contact: hearttoheartjaye@gmail.com