Divine Intervention

I reached out to Alysha one random day in January and suggested we take off for a night. She enjoys dinners out and girly nights. She can kick it on a “girls just wanna have fun” vibe. I suggested we go to Blue Mountain for a night. I was excited to bring her up there since she’d never been. I was raving about it—how happy and accommodating the staff were. Well, this wasn’t that!

The Village was not the same as I once remembered it. Very much like Cuba pre-pandemic: the most friendly, accommodating people you’d find anywhere. But now—post-pandemic—the Cubans are spent, just like everyone else in the hospitality industry, including Blue Mountain. I was disappointed, but we made the best of it. It was still a fun night to remember, and it was also the last time I got drunk. After cutting back on booze for a few months, it really didn’t take much.

I love doing shit like that. I like having something to look forward to, whether it’s a trip, a night away, a dinner, or an event. It gives me something to look forward to, something to get excited about.

I had an appointment booked with a Traditional Healer, Cynthia, at Women’s College Hospital in early January. I was really looking forward to that appointment because the Western medicine psychiatry and psychological help provided to me had been beyond useless. I had a very spiritual experience and was seeking spiritual guidance. I felt empty. I was trying to find some sort of understanding of what had happened to me and why. What was next for me? What’s my purpose? Was I doing all this healing—was I going to grow and finally find peace and happiness just to die? I wanted answers, and I was hoping she would be able to provide them.

When I walked through the door to meet her, she shook my hand and introduced me to her assistant. I looked at her assistant and said, "I know you." She said, "I know you!" It turned out we were childhood friends from the dead end of Bain Ave, where I grew up. She had a younger brother who passed away a few years ago. I gave her a hug and my condolences. It was an emotional introduction, to say the least—we were both in tears.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about doing the ceremony with her—that whole interaction was weird. But it didn’t matter that she was there. If this is how it’s supposed to go down, then let’s go. I wasn’t interested in waiting for another appointment.

We all went into the room. Medicines were lit, and a ceremony took place. I was there for approximately an hour and a half. She revealed my sacred name, my spirit guides, and shared a few things about myself that were familiar but made them more prominent. This was the beginning of a whole lot of clarity for me.

I have two spirit animals that guide me. The first one is the mountain goat. I was like, a mountain goat? Ya, OK. She said, "Yes, a mountain goat! I’m not talking about some little Shetland goat."

She lowered her hand, showing the size of a small dog, and said, "I’m talking about a 300-400-pound mountain goat with tiny little hooves that climbs to the tops of mountains on just a tiny ledge. They skip from mountain to mountain—they do the impossible, things that nobody else can do. You do that."

The second spirit animal was the White Sasquatch. The White Sasquatch represents truth and integrity. I resonated with that.

My sacred name: “She Looks to the Stars.” She said, "You’re always looking up to the ancestors, the stars, always seeking guidance."

She told me I was quite the formidable character. I wasn’t even sure what that meant until I Googled it after I left. She said my purpose in life was to heal people. Once I am healed, I will help others heal. She also said, “Oof, there’s a darkness around you.” She shook her upper body and continued with, "It even gives me the woolies!"

Reiterating the qualities I possess gave me a deeper sense of who I was. It was significant to hear that at the time.

I felt empty, and I know now why I felt that way. I had lost my identity. I wasn’t the same person anymore. My soul was empty—whether it got emptied that night when I went up and came back down, or during the delirium—it was cleared, reset. The darkness was no longer inside me. Oh, it was still around, but it was no longer within me, and I believe that’s why I stayed in that mental state—delirium—for so long. It felt like I was in a case for six months—empty inside, looking out—la de da the whole time. I was there, but I wasn’t. That’s because something happened to my soul.

I had no clue at the time what had happened or that a transformation was taking place. I can only see now what was going on. I was starting from scratch. Life—lived forward, but learned backward.

Oh, I know exactly who I was, the things I’ve done, and the lifestyle I had sustained. It’s almost as if this blog is my way of repenting, and at the same time, it’s healing me internally.

After seeing Cynthia, I was put on a path—the Red Road to Wellness. My empty soul was starting to absorb the things I surrounded myself with. I had a choice: to expose my soul to the darkness around me or embark on this new path—but did I really have a choice?

It’s like I was literally picked up off the shithole, destitute path I was on and placed on a different path to heal from the wounds I had endured, to live a new life filled with peace and happiness. And I chose to stay on that path!

It was Divine Intervention at its best! I had been given a second chance.