Boundaries

After writing that piece about how my very first boundary came to be, I felt compelled to keep going.

Boundaries—what are those?

Looking back, I see that so much of what I went through in my past life happened because I didn’t have boundaries—I didn’t even know what they were.

Who’s supposed to teach us about them anyway? Because clearly—I missed that session!

The first time I ever heard the word boundaries and paid attention to it, I was in my 30s. And it came from a chick my ex was fucking—telling me she “had boundaries.”  I legit laughed in her face. I said, “Say what?! You’ve got boundaries, do ya? And you’re fucking around with a dude like Q? Let me tell ya something—there are no boundaries when you’re with someone like that!”

That was the first—and last—time I ever thought about boundaries, until I started seeing the word pop up all over social media. Still, I was like, yea, yea, whatever. It didn’t really land. I always saw boundaries in a physical sense—like don’t walk over there, don’t go past this point. Never mentally, and definitely not emotionally.

Ohhhh—but once the healing began, and I got a taste of that peace, that quiet—ouuuuuu weeeee! Boundaries became inevitable. Once you’ve put in the work, and Spirit grants you peace, protection comes right along with it.

For someone who’s survived a tough-ass life, reckless with no boundaries—like me—and made it this far along in their healing journey, coming from being completely fucking broken, to finally reaching a place where you know what quiet feels like… what peace feels like—inner peace, inner happiness—those things called boundaries? They just happen.

Just like the one I put in place the day after Christmas—I wasn’t trying to create a boundary. I wasn’t checking off a healing list or following some guide. I didn’t even know I was setting one. But I was.

I’d seen posts floating around with healing lists like, "Step Four: Set Boundaries"—miss me with that bullshit. Half of them didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, just posting empty words, telling you what to do.

You have to go through it. You can’t fake healing. Healing is truly about saving your soul. You can’t pretend to be well—not to the healed.

The truth is, boundaries come naturally during the healing process—it just flows, like life. One day, you’ll be texting someone, pouring out your thoughts, and later realize… damn, I just laid out a boundary—pew pew.

Sure, it’s a step—but don’t give me that ‘Step Four’ bullshit. You can’t script healing. You can’t coach someone into feeling. That kind of growth—it’s got to come from within. It’s got to be felt.

Well before January 2025, my body and my mind started rejecting everything and everyone that wasn’t healthy for me.

I started analyzing my relationships—past and present—without even realizing I was doing it. And I was able to see, with the utmost clarity, what was off… who wasn’t well.

Effortlessly, I started sorting them—leaving the unwell over there, with Spirit—so I could continue on my path, free from any kind of negative distraction.

Boundaries started to bloom.

A huge part of setting boundaries is being able to see, with absolute clarity, who is who and what is what. And for someone like me—someone who never had any boundaries— the clarity came first.

That was the spark. Do you leave it... or them... over there with Spirit and pray for them?

Yep. You let go. You carry on your journey without them. And just like that, boundaries begin to form.

Those boundaries? They’re there to protect you—your peace, your spirit, your soul. That’s their purpose. What’s wild is—it’s not even a decision. It doesn’t require thought. It just happens.

It’s not about shutting people out or not letting them get close. It’s about them knowing their place in your life, what’s accepted, and what will absolutely not be tolerated. That’s how you teach someone to love you—and how to treat you..

These boundaries don’t just pop up for no reason. Boundaries form because, you start to see your worth—the love you have for yourself has emerged along with your self-respect. As these things grow, so does the protection.

Just like everything else, I had to learn that one the hard way—on my own—by going through the healing process after picking myself up off the floor for the last time. And now here I am—and boundaries? They’re big. Huge.

I am at the boundary stage of my healing journey. I’m 3/4’s of the way there, baby! Steady and moving forward.

Boundaries need to be taught early—especially if you have a daughter—so she doesn’t go through life being violated time and time again, thinking it’s okay.

I wish someone had taught me—

I wish I had learned about boundaries, that they were instilled in me from the time I was a young girl…

Before the heartbreaks.

Before the betrayals.

Before I started mistaking survival for love.

By March of this year, I sent a message out to all who were listening. These boundaries, for me, came to be:

I refuse to be in the company of anyone who doesn’t care about me or my well-being.

I refuse to let my light be shadowed by the darkness of others—whether it’s rudeness, negativity, sneers, or two-faced bullshit.

I refuse to stuff my feelings down for anyone ever again.

At this point in my journey, the walls have come down—and in their place, a shield now stands. I have boundaries now. Not to keep love out, but to protect the peace I fought so damn hard to find.

I felt this needed to be said—and, well… shared.

This isn’t an ad or a social media post. This is as real as it gets.